Things you should know

Should you choose to come to Taiwan, there are many things that either you had best know already, or that you will learn.

• Chopsticks. You will use them.

While Taiwan is a very modern country in many ways, people still insist on putting sticks in their mouths. I suppose everyone keeps some old habits.
Forks and knives are sometimes available, depending on the restaurant. If you go to an actual sit-down restaurant, they very well may have silverware available. Don't count on it, as this is only a possibility. If you visit a food-vendor's stall, or someone's home... you have two realistic choices: use those sticks, or find a way to eat with your hands that doesn't look too barbaric (or get you too greasy). Or you can eat like a dog, I suppose, though your host may not be impressed. (Side note: from what I understand, some of the older folks, especially the mainlanders, still think of all non-Chinese as barbarians. Jokingly. But not that jokingly.)

• Toilets. You may be surprised.

Again, while Taiwan is a modern country in many ways, there apparently is some fondness for squatting over a hole in the ground; this is expressed in modern commode design. In a concession to modernity, they now have ceramic holes in the ground, complete with flushable water, and a splash guard. You do not sit on them, you squat over them. The upside is you never have to touch another filthy toilet again. That is a rather major advantage. There's no downside, unless you have bad balance, and then the downside is where your hand goes. There are sit-down toilets in many modern bathrooms, like in the MRT stations and nicer shopping areas; some are even aggressively modern and have a bewildering assortment of buttons and options - these are imports from Japan. I have no idea what the buttons do, aside from the heater, the bidet function, and what looks to possibly be a service bell.

• Toilet Paper - more confusing than you think.

Since we're on the subject already: upon entering the bathroom, you will notice that it smells worse than what you're used to (well, most of you). And, should you enter a stall, you will notice a small trash can. This is not where you put your old coffee cups and food wrappers. No. It's a sort of paper that comes into contact with ...post-processed food, shall we say, when you're on the....

Yes, they have signs and everything. "Please do not flush toilet paper." They warn of all sorts of dire consequences. Or they'll anthropomorphize the toilet and it'll be saying something like, "PLEASE DON'T FEED ME TOILET PAPER, I WILL VOMIT."
Maybe I exaggerate. But not by much.

• Toilet paper. No, of course we're not done.

I should also mention that bathrooms often have no paper whatsoever, unless you count the ones that have thoughtfully been pre-moistened and pre-tested for you. (I suppose if you wanted to be clever you could substitute a three-letter word that rhymes with "pre-"). You can find those in the can. However, for those of us who are not fond of strange people's bodily functions (or even those we know well - perhaps they are worse, in some ways), you must bring your own tissue. Fortunately, nearly everyone carries some with them; it comes in little pocket-sized packets. It's ubiquitous. Hucksters and advertisers of all sorts will hand out free packets of tissue as you pass by, especially in election season. They are not pointing out your poor hygiene. No, those packets all have pictures and ads on them. They travel with you everywhere, for quite some time, so you do have a better chance of remembering them. However, you also tend to associate those politicians or products with something that rap has been accused of being (and with which it even rhymes!), and I'm not sure that's...productive. (Side note: if you sweat a lot, people will offer you some of their tissues. They also wipe tables with them.)

• English. Oh, the fond memories.

If you are familiar with English, if you think of it fondly, or at least dislike it only a little, you may enjoy reading the English in the local environment. I'm sure most of you have heard of "Engrish". If not - it's what happens when the rest of the world tries to use our language. The Japanese are apparently the worst and most serious offenders, but the Chinese are giving them a serious run for the money. Sometimes it's simple, but odd, matters of word choice - archaic words are a favorite. For example, when you ride the MRT, you will hear: "when you alight, please heed the platform gap." To my knowledge, I had never before heard someone actually say that word. At least not in that sense. Other times it's a matter of mis-spelled words that accidentally spell something funny. Other times it's just...odd. At home, we can buy a Corvette, or a Camero, or something like that, right? People ride scooters here. This here's a scooter town. So, naturally, there are many makes and models of scooters. One of my favorites is the model called, simply, "Heroism." I had never thought it possible before to ride a concept to death. But someone has found a way. Oh, and speaking of death -

• Traffic. Better than third world countries.

Scooters are popular, as I mentioned. Sometimes it's the only transportation a person, or family, has, and I can report that yes, it is indeed possible to fit an entire family - Mom, Dad, brother, sister, baby, and the dog, on one scooter. When I say scooter, you, like I did, probably think of some puttering mis-begotten motorcycle. That may have been accurate once. But I know, from personal experience, that they can generally attain 50mph fairly easily. You are not strapped in, of course, though they recently passed a law here requiring all riders to wear helmets, which I've heard is helping.
Anyway, there are swarms of scooters. They buzz about everywhere, weaving. There are also a fair number of cars, trucks, busses, and etc. Many of them are, like the scooters, not especially careful. And that brings us to -

• Taxi drivers.
  

They want you to die.

I don't think they care one way or another whether they get paid first; they probably would prefer you dead before you arrive, since in that case they can take all the money off your corpse. They will ignore all rules of traffic whensoever the whim strikes them. Red lights, blind alleys, blind turns, steep mountains, canyons - these are merely obstacles, and ones deserving only contempt. Never tell them you are in a hurry; they will take this as an invitation to show off their car-chase skills, in addition of course to their general disregard or outright disdain for human life and safety. If ever you want to make a cheap car-chase movie, this is where you'll do it. Just...you wouldn't be riding in it yourself, of course. That's what actors are for.
Oh, I got sidetracked for a moment - I forgot to mention that for aesthetic reasons, all taxis have their seatbelts jammed somewhere inside the seat. If you search, you will not find. Just give up. You're going to die anyway, might as well be in a taxi, going somewhere.

On the positive side, they are relatively talkative and even somewhat friendly, which makes their fierce disregard for life somewhat...jarring. Also, fares are cheap, compared to most places I've been to.
And finally, regarding your well-being, we have:

• Medicine. Better than you thought.

If you're only taking a short trip, let's hope you don't get sick. After all, you can get sick anywhere, why try it somewhere new? However, if you're here a little longer, something is bound to happen, and when it does, you're in luck. Taiwan has a good medical system. True, they don't always have the very latest surgical techniques or equipment, but they are more than competent in what they do have. I'm totally uneducated, and the wrong person to make this sort of assessment, but I'm here, and I'd guess Taiwan's medical system is just 5-10 years behind ours in general. Anyway, going to the doctor here is very cheap. If you go without insurance, the fees may approach what you'd pay in the US for minor things. But if you have the national insurance, or are a student, you are in great luck. For example, we have a clinic on campus. Before I had insurance, a trip to the doctor cost $90 NT ($3 US!). Medicine was extra, but generally only cost another $2-300 NT. Now that I have insurance, it's only $50 (~$1.70 US!) to see the doctor, and medicine is included. I went to the emergency room a few weeks ago for reasons I already wrote about, and that only cost me about $600 (or $700?) NT - less than $20 US. Not bad.
I hear some people come here just to have surgery done - it's like Mexico, but better. And friendlier.

Anyway, that's about enough for now. There's plenty more to talk about, and maybe I will soon. 再見!